The whole new year, new me, new goals, new everything has me feeling some type of crazy. I don’t know about anyone else, but I am really feeling the pressure this time. The turn of the new year doesn’t usually bring any type of resolution for me. Not a huge fan of not doing/doing things just because there is a new year. I’m usually a trust your gut, feel it out, compulsive decision kind of gal. I depend on intuition mixed with a sprinkle of logic. Ya feel me? But as timing would have it, a huge shift in my life was happening right at the end of the new year rolling into the next.
I came back from Uganda with this “no plan” type of plan. I was going to write and teach yoga and eventually find my way back over there. Well, my “no plan” plan started not to go as planned… say that five times fast. The training I was supposed to complete got postponed until late winter/early spring which was the time when I was supposed to be heading back to Uganda. Just as this happened, other projects started to intrigue me and connections were being made. Everything was falling out of place and into place at the same time.
For me, the most difficult part of this whole process is making decisions. Where do I live? What job? How to express myself? Do I travel? Do I grow some roots? It goes on and on. I truly believe there are no “right” or “wrong” decisions. I believe we just have a choice, we make it, and that places us on a path of learning, of experience, of intense dark, or beautiful light. And maybe that is what makes decisions so difficult for me. I don’t just see the world as this or that. I see it as a ceaseless pool of experiences and opportunity. As much as that sounds like, sunshine and rainbows and a really beautiful way to look at the world… sometimes it feels like a trap.
Monday night I was sitting on the couch trying to decide if I was going to a yoga class. I looked at the clock and said, “Okay, I have one hour before I need to decide.” Then my mom came and sat beside me and I vocalized the decision I was trying to make. (I tend to do this a lot; I like to talk through mental debates) After spewing out what seemed like an endless amount of word vomit, we both laughed a little because she completely understood. It doesn’t matter what decision it is, from small to very important, there is always an answering committee inside your head fighting for opposing sides. I finally made my decision with five minutes to spare... I wasn’t going to go. Not even two minutes later I jumped off the couch because alas, I changed my mind and I was going.
And that is just a small example. That internal debate was simply about going to a yoga class or not. Personally, I like to blame it on the fact that I am a Gemini. But astrology can only take you so far and I am well aware decision fatigue is a real thing. There are a plethora of self-help books, podcasts, and videos out there with suggestions on how to reduce decision fatigue so you can be the most successful version of yourself. But in times when you feel like you’re drowning, when life changing decisions hanging over your head make choosing what to have for lunch painful, when as soon you wake up in the morning the internal debates are already beginning… Please know you’re not crazy even if you feel like it. Please know you’re not alone. Life always works out, usually.
Life always works out, usually. I heard that while I was watching the Netflix show Atypical the other day and it has been my mantra ever since. Life always does work out. Sometimes it is the way we want and some times it isn’t. That is where the ‘usually’ part comes into play. So when we are making decisions, it is a good thing to keep in mind. Whatever decision you are trying to make, life altering or rather insignificant, try not to make it so serious because either way you are heading in the right direction. Life works out somehow, someway.
Find your mantra.
Find a practice.
Talk it out. Write it out. Doodle it out. Dance it out.
If you are feeling the pressure this year I am right there with ya.
Love and Light,