Thoughts on Space

I think of a topic to write about weeks in advance. I see, experience, or feel something that lights a little flame of inspiration. Hours, days and weeks go by and that little flame turns into a campfire then a bonfire. I let the flames feed off of one another until it is burning so intensely I have to let the words spill out.

They fall onto paper in the form of phrases, paragraphs, vibes, intentions. It is a mess before it makes any sense at all. It is not linear or scheduled. It is wild, untamed, and raw at its core. Much like my experience as a human.

For weeks, space as been my intention. Holding it, for others and myself. Taking it up, without apology. Becoming aware of the moments when I can’t do either of those things. And bearing witness to individuals around me unable to hold it and unwilling to take it up.

I Googled the phrase, “particles of air around us.” The first hit was the Simple English Wikipedia’s definition of air. The first sentence was, “it has mass and weight, because it is matter.” That is all I read. That is all I needed to read before I closed the tab and started to write.

I don’t think you can fully recognize the importance of holding space until you need someone to do it for you. It’s not a tangible concept, but more so a vibe. It is stepping into someone’s presence and feeling at home, at ease. Like you can take a deep breath and set down the 100 pound bag you have been carrying on your back for what feels like decades and beyond.

Holding space is a practice and a choice. It comes natural to some while others have to actively work on it… if it is a skill they desire. You have to choose to show up. To be fully present for someone else. It can be exhausting with no immediate reward, but damn does it feel good when someone does it for you. Remember that.

The last bit of fuel to this ‘blog writing fire’ was an apology note I read on social media. It was a woman apologizing for her insecurities, need for validation, and lack of confidence. I so bad wish I could find her, grab her hands, look her in the eyes, and tell her she does not have to apologize for her wounds that manifest in these ways. I would tell her apologies are not necessary. I would tell her I see her willingness to recognize her traumas and her desire to heal. I would tell her I am here to hold space for you when you need it. I would tell her to take up space. Please don’t shrink the big feelings. Take up all the dang space you need.

I wrote a short post about this over a year ago on my Instagram after witnessing constant apologizing for merely just being all around me. And I still feel every single one those words to this day. We can hold space for ourselves by taking all the space we need. I remind myself of this every day.

Take up space. Please take up all the space. Exist, move, breathe, explore, feel. 

Don’t shrink the big feelings. The feelings we label as bad. The feelings we label as good, but terrifying.

Hold space when someone needs it.

Choose presence. Everyday. Over and over again.

Until next time,

Katy Mae